Forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing. When we forgive ourselves, we release the burden of guilt and shame. When we forgive others, we let go of anger and resentment. Both of these things are essential for finding inner peace.
Let's go back to how childhood affects us in the now.
Children are innocent and unaffected by the conditioning that may lie ahead of them.
The first seven years of a child's life is important, this is a time for soaking up how they will be as adults. The first seven years of every child's life is so important, their life experiences underpin how they will develop as an adult.
"Personality traits such as shyness, confidence, and self-esteem are also developed within these first seven years of life. Children who receive adequate support from caregivers tend to develop high levels of self-esteem and a sense of security about themselves and their environment. Conversely, those who do not have proper support may struggle with feelings of insecurity and low self-worth."
An overview of my childhood journey
As a child I was a people pleaser, in my own bubble as I enjoyed playing but listening and following the guidance of adults without questioning, unaware of the world around me, I was protected, safe and nurtured.
As I began to grow the outside world became a little more fearful, my positivity was knocked down.
Interestingly I grew up with a disabled mum, I observed my mum falling and the fear surrounding her disability from others. I would help her and adapt her empathetic, caring nature. I soaked up her struggles as my own fears from the outside world. She didn't work and spent a lot of time at home. I had a strong attachment with my dad who I did most activities with like learning to tie shoe laces, ride a bike, go for walks. I don't recall playing any games with my mum alone, although as a family we played cards and dominos. We were a quiet family who didn't speak out.
As the teens and young adulthood approach, life offers a mixture of obstacles and abundance, depending on the mindset and imprint from younger years depends on how they are approached.
Along my journey in particular I met people who knocked my confidence down, belittled me, overpowered my gentle, calming and empathetic nature. My voice was withheld and I have been broken many times. One thing that has always stuck was to help others whom like me experienced similar struggles. This is a trait embedded from my childhood, a beautiful trait however one that it's flaws too. As much as I love helping others, I have refrained from speaking my truth about my feelings and needs.
As an adult I look back at my past, it has continued to bother me over the years, I have felt Frustration, Anger, WHY Me!!
Patterns emerged in which I needed to take action to release myself from a self sabotaging pattern. As a Healer and Family Wellness Leader I took external action as well as using my empowered inner resources to help me let go and release from the control these people, places and events had on me. You can see what my tips are below to help you too, I'm continually working on my forgiveness, layer by layer. Just think, we don't have a guide book to life, we have a lesson by lesson of living.
You may wish to take some time to reflect on your childhood prior to becoming 7 years of age.
Throughout our lifetimes we'll experience a multitude of feelings about ourselves and even the people that have got in our way. Loved ones, friends, acquaintances and even those with less attachment and meaning who pass through.
Your experiences as a child may evoke feelings of Blame, Resentment, Fear, Hate, Anger and even Love and Compassion.
You may also find that you continue to serve and follow others who seemingly treat you poorly whilst you feel behind the eyes those trapped feelings and also stagnation in your actually being.
I found these couple of quotes really interesting.
“Judgment or blaming is not the point. Understanding is.”
Gabor Maté, source - Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It
“What if our intention, as parents, as educators, as a society, was to raise children in touch with their feelings, authentically empowered to express them, to think independently and be prepared to act on behalf of their principles?”
Gabor Maté source - , The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture
It can become so easy to blame others for how our lives evolve, yet we are the master of our own lives. It can take some unlearning to change a pattern of behaviour and to release feelings attached with events, people and places that effected us in our childhood. Working on self development, awareness and resilience takes time.
If like me you're an adult carer there's hope to transform your inner world to something with hope and light at the end.
I know when the release is working as I feel greater sense of love and compassion for myself and others. I'm grounded at peace and life flows. It's not everyday but it's always work in progress.
Tips to forgiving yourself and others
Write down your feelings - journaling is a simple and effective tool to help you release stagnant energy, including resentment and anger
Affirmations - Repeat I love You, I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me, and Thank You. An Hawaiian forgiveness technique known as Ho'oponopono. You don't need to direct these words at anyone just allow the universe to move the energy for you.
Cutting energetic cords of attachment through meditation - I work with angels to help you disconnect energy between yourself and other people, Helping to set you free and allow you to feel at peace again.
Chanting - The voice is a powerful tool when we feel safe to use it. Using Chanting I can help you to release what you've been holding back from speaking.
Further support to help you forgive:
Roots to Abundance Sanctuary is a safe online healing space for female carers - with weekly lives and content within a secure online platform you will have the support, empathy, and be heard and listened to as you are empowered to free your self and sense relief as you are no longer held by self sabotaging patterns.
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Roots to Abundance Sanctuary
Blessings Louise
Family Wellness Leader
Peace and Presence Healing